6. FEAR OF THE FALL
a hike to the Barak gorge in Israel’s Negev Desert
note: the photographs in this chapter are from different hikes in the deserts of Israel
And now it is my turn to lose that carefree attitude once more. In front of me is the descent into the Barak gorge – a path snaking its way down to the very bottom of the waterfall from which we had just peered down. I must gather myself together, shift into the gear of self-reliance. I must convince myself that I can trust my own body, that I am agile and well-coordinated. That, through the years, I have become an experienced hiker, that I have good boots with gripping soles and there is no reason in the world why I should fall. I tell myself that this path is sufficiently wide and well-trodden, unlike the crumbling hill we had surmounted earlier, that there will be no tricky spots ahead, because it is a marked and thus officially endorsed trail. It has stood the test of many hikers before me. So why should I, of all people, be the one to fall?
Still, it is good to have Ellen nearby. Precisely because she does not take charge of me that I am able to reassemble the shards of my self-confidence. Earlier, in my outburst of panic, I had blindly entrusted my safety to Avi, relinquishing all responsibility for myself. Going down with Ellen - a woman - I start to rely on my own inner resources.
